Sunday, December 21, 2014

Deep Thoughts, By Dan Shaughnessy

Brace yourself for some serious inanities, ladies and gentleman - it looks like Shanks Twitter feed has stopped robotweeting, and has become self-aware. Just like Skynet, but in reverse!

I just took a stroll through his Twitter feed, and I feel dirty and dumber for it it looks like the robotweeting stopped some months ago. Contrary to Shank's propaganda, some of us 'blogboys' who don't live in mom's basement have jobs & mortgages and shit, so we don't have time to savor the finer things in life, like the barrel of fish that his feed provides.

For example:

Aside from the actual final score, he was right on! This tweet is posted in one form or another every damn week. He also mentions 'tomato can' in nearly the same frequency. I think they used to teach you in journalism school not to be repetitive. He must have been out on one of his grueling one mile runs that day.

To further illustrate Shank's occasional foray into rank unprofessionalism with respect to the Kraft family, here's Shank retweeting (i.e., endorsing) some literally childish notions about them, including one by a fellow Boston Globe employee:

Stay classy, Shank! And you too, KPD!

Friday, December 19, 2014

Consider The Source

Here's Shank on the Rajon Rondo trade:

Because when I think about redoubtable IQ, the first name that comes to mind is Albert Einstein Stephen Hawking Dan Fucking Shaughnessy. It's also amusing to get lectured on civility by the legendary Boston Globe curmudgeon and shit stirrer.

Self-awareness has never been this guy's calling card...

UPDATE, 12/21, 4:00 PM - Post edited to embed the tweet itself.

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Shank's 2014 Baseball Hall of Fame Ballot

As much as I don't really give a rat's ass about the sport, Shank's Hall of Fame ballot looks pretty good:
More than a quarter of a century after getting my first ballot, the Hall of Fame selection progress just keeps getting more challenging.

Wednesday my ballot will be mailed with boxes checked next to the names of Pedro Martinez, Randy Johnson, John Smoltz, Curt Schilling, Tim Raines, and Alan Trammell.
Interesting that he's voting for two Red Sox players he absolutely hated when their careers were winding down. I did not figure Shank for the forgive and forget type.
Six votes. I think it’s a personal high.

This means I am not voting for (among others on the ballot), Craig Biggio, Edgar Martinez, Fred McGriff, Mike Mussina, Larry Walker, Lee Smith, Carlos Delgado, and Nomar Garciaparra. Oh, and I also am not voting for Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, Sammy Sosa, Mark McGwire, Gary Sheffield, Mike Piazza, and Jeff Bagwell.
Remember when Roger Clemens was cool in Shank's book? I guess big stuffed teddy bears don't get you as much goodwill with Boston sports writers as they used to.

Every now and then, Shank feels the need to troll his readers. Here he is, ringing the dinner bell:
So let it rip. Bring on the hate. Bring on the humiliation. Bring on the blogboy outrage. Bring on the analytic arrogance. Bring on the PED Hall Pass. It’s a tradition like no other.
From there, at least Shank makes good pros and cons about who belongs in the Hall of Fame, and who doesn't. Then there's this part:
The Roids Boys are the greatest burden on voters. Some voters don’t care. Some cherry-pick the cheaters. Some turn away from anything that even looks dirty. Withholding votes for guys who cheated and guys who look like they cheated is unfortunate, sometimes unfair, and almost impossible to impose consistently.

Objection to the Roids Boys is gradually eroding. As years pass and new voters replace older voters, it is likely there will be increased leniency. Each year there are more voters who don’t care about PEDs. The thinking becomes, “This was the era. They were all doing it.’’ Or, “Bonds and Clemens were already Hall of Famers before they started cheating.’’

Sorry, I am not there. No votes for guys caught using. And worse — no votes for guys who just don’t look right. Bagwell and Piazza are the two players most penalized for this arbitrary crime. By any statistical measurement, Bagwell and Piazza are first-ballot Hall of Famers, yet their vote totals (62 percent for Piazza last year, 54 percent for Bagwell) remain considerably lower than their résumés merit.
What about the sports writers who ignored all this crap and happily sat back in the press boxes and enjoyed the home run chases and the pitching duels for a decade or more?

Monday, December 15, 2014

This Bandwagon Needs Reinforced Axles

Dan Shaughnessy, the raving hypocrite who buried the Patriots earlier this year, who vowed not to judge this team until January, and who took a massive steaming shit on them a mere ten weeks ago, just grabbed the reins of the bandwagon and is riding high!
F OXBOROUGH — The Patriots  beat the Dolphins, 41-13, to win the AFC East Sunday. Praise the lord and pass out the hats and T-shirts. The Warhol/Tomato Can Division belongs to New England once again.

In other news Sunday, New York City was named one of America’s five biggest cities, Amazon is among the top booksellers in the nation, Willie Mays is one of the best 100 outfielders of all time, and “The Godfather” and “The Godfather Part II’’ are worthy of at least two stars out of four.

This is not meant to diminish what the 11-3 Patriots have accomplished this season. We all know that this Patriots team feels better than recent local playoff entries. The Patriots are playing like a Super Bowl team. But we also know that winning the AFC East is a mere formality. It’s like Navin R. Johnson (played by Steve Martin) from “The Jerk” bragging that his name has been published in the phone book.
Throw in your modern, up to date band reference to go with your modern, up to date movie references...
The quarterbacks in the AFC East this season are Brady and guys name Geno Smith, Kyle Orton, and Ryan Tannehill. It’s Paul McCartney . . . and Wings.
...and your pro forma cheap shot at the owners you hate...
I don’t even think the Kraft high chairs were at maximum elevation.
...and it's a wrap.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Life After Lester

The Red Sox not getting Jon Lester was a "debacle" of epic proportions, says The CHB.


Why is it so critical to bring back a guy who pitched on two teams that finished in last place in the past three years? As the saying goes, "I can lose just as easily without you..."

Why is it so critical to have him?

Answer: It's not. Lester is a terrific pitcher. He also has never won 20 games, he's had exactly one season with an ERA under 3.13, he's never led the league in anything except for K/9 ratio, which he did in 2010 -- four seasons ago. He's basically parlayed the best 143 inning stretch of his career into a world-beating contract. Bully for him, but that's not reason for the Red Sox to go batty. Has The CHB forgotten the lessons of 2011-12?

There is, in fact, a better pitcher available in Max Scherzer. If money is no object, which it isn't according to Shank, then the player the Sox should break the bank for is Mad Max.

Would I have liked it for the Sox to have brought Lester back? Sure. Is it the end of the world? Hell no.

Back to the hyperventilating of Shank. He complains that John Henry et al weren't available to comment on the "departure of Lester." Excuse me, but Lester departed in July, in a trade for Yoenis Cespedes. Cespedes, in turn, brought Rick Porcello, a player who is five years younger than Lester, and thus entering his prime, and whose overall value (WAR, or wins above replacement) was nearly the same as Lester's last year, and over the past three years has been less than one game less.

Let's remember one more thing. When the Sox failed to re-sign Roger Clemens at the end of the 1996 season, The CHB was highly critical. One year later, the Red Sox landed the reigning NL Cy Young Award winner. And Pedro Martinez was even better than Clemens.

These things have a way of working themselves out. Just don't expect The CHB to admit that.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Right And Wrong

Turns out Shank was right in the end, as Jon Lester signed with the Chicago Cubs about an hour ago. Earlier rumors had this signing going down between Boston and the Cubs, so while the CHB was right in the end, he wasn't exactly on point approaching the finish line.

While I can't speak for my co-blogger here, I'm okay with Shank's prediction, as that's what a columnist should do. I would encourage it, and not for the obviously self-serving reason of being able to bash Shank after the fact. Give an opinion and back it up, that's not too much to ask.

What we can agree on is a lack of consistency in his application of reason, logic, or whatever the hell it is that Shank uses to change opinions from one column to the next. Generally speaking, that's been demonstrated with many of Shank's posts since this site's been up for the near decade of its existence, and with this Lester signing in particular. It should be entertaining to see his reaction, if any, to this signing.

Tuesday, December 09, 2014

Lack of Knowledge Doesn't Equate Lack of Opinion

Nobody knows where Jon Lester is going to sign.

Yet The CHB seemed so sure just a few months ago that the Red Sox were NOT going to sign him.

And while acknowledges Lester isn't saying anything, that doesn't stop The CHB from expressing -- without a wit of evidence, mind you -- that the Red Sox have "bungled" this and that Lester has been "insulted" by the Sox.

And The CHB is pessimistic, as always, that Lester will choose Boston. Big surprise there.